The Cynics Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment

I have lots of friends who are spiritual believers. They always try to convince me about psychics, energy healers, aura cleansers, blah, blah, blah, but here’s what bothers me:there’s nothing concrete about spirituality, and I love solid evidence. But friends can wear you down. After listening to one of them harp-on rave about her recent Reiki session, I realised that the only way I’ll ever be convinced is if I try this airy-fairy stuff myself. So I set up appointments with a psychic, energy healer and a Reiki Practitioner, and then set some expectations.  I needed to be wowed here. These guys have to prove to me that they’re doing something amazing, otherwise I’m sliding straight back into the skeptic zone. Three promises to you:  I’ll go in with an open mind, I won’t assist the practitioner, and you won’t find any BS in this story.

 

1. The Reading

Within 30 seconds of being in the reading room, psychic Kimberly Morgan asked what I had done to upset my mum, because “her presence is all over you”. “She’s quite worried and upset, but supportive”, she added. My mum and I are close and never upset one another, but weirdly, the night before the reading, I’d upset her when I told her I’d be moving out. I had to hide my surprise - dammit, I really didn’t want to be impressed this early on. Kimberley spoke non-stop for the allotted hour, telling me that my relationship is very serious (true) but we’re struggling with separation at the moment (also true - Conflicting schedules). She said we’ll have not one, but two, sets of twins (my Gran is a twin !) that I want to live in Sydney’s coastal suburb of Manly (exactly where I’m looking!) and will do so soon. She described the girl who plays a big part in my brother’s life to a tee, and said he should stay away (what I’ve been saying for months!), and she knew a freaky amount of detailed information about my dad. She only got one thing wrong: she was adamant that I’ll end up in TV, but I despise being on camera. Otherwise, it was spot on. As for the twins? We’ll see…

 

2. The Healing

Energy Healer Scott’s work with me was focused on letting go of all physical tension and achieving mental clarity (spatialenergetics.com.au). First, I had to pick three cards from a pile; each card was supposed to describe a character trait I possessed. When he revealed what cards I had picked, I’ll admit I was amazed - all three of them described me perfectly. My cynicism got the best of me, though, so when Scott left the room I rifled through the rest of the cards to see if they all said the same things. Nope, the three i’d picked were the only ones I identified with. Spooky.

Next came the physical part. Scott massaged my legs, telling me I was far too tense and to let my body go. It was hard, but I eventually got it. Praying that I wouldn’t dribble, my mind wandered… into nothingness. It was this delicious emptiness, save for a few pretty flashes of really intense colour. as Scott worked, he asked things like, “ How long have you had tummy issues for?” (Whaaat? How does he know?) and, “ You worry about mothering your boyfriend, don’t you? That’s what the pain in the right side of your chest is.” (Yes and wow, Awkward.) He continued on, detailing things about my mind and body that were so on the money that I got self-conscious. It was therapy-meets-massage-meets-total-mind-and-energy-cleansing. I’m sold

 

3. The Reiki

Reiki is supposed to bring your mind and body into complete balance. I like the idea, but struggle to see how a pair of hovering hands can do a big job like that for me. After practising some deep breathing, my practitioner, Deborah (reawaken.com.au), gently rested her hands on my knees. After a few minutes, and without her moving (I checked!), my legs started to vibrate strongly. It felt like I had electricity running through me, and it totally spun me out. Shortly after, I hallucinated - seriously! A bright yellow roller coaster barrelled through the black of my mind. As it went past me, it turned into never-ending spirals. Then, I watched one lone firework bouncing off the walls of a white room with no windows or doors. Time flew by, and when Deborah let me know the session was over, I felt like I’d had the best snooze of my life, but I hadn’t even been asleep. I have no idea if I actually went into another state of consciousness or not, but it was the most peaceful feeling I’ve experienced.

 

4. The Verdict

As much as I hate to admit it, I can safely say that I have been converted. Kim, Scott and Deb knew so much about me, without me telling them anything. After each appointment, I was completely captivated and curious as to how they knew as much as they did. The highlight of this experience? The way I felt leaving Scott’s  session. I was deliriously happy and giddy, so much so that my boyfriend asked me in all seriousness if i’d been drinking. Even once the feeling had worn off a bit, I still felt more blissful than I had in a really long time. If I could afford to go and see Scott every two days, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Really, who needs drugs when you have the spiritual universe.